Baggie Exercises

August 3, 2008

Character: Stand-up Comedian

Setting: Spaceship

Action: Planning Robbery/Heist

“Ok, so are we clear on the plan?”  Bob asked the others gathered around the table.

“Um, I guess,” was the murmured reply from the group.

“I swear this is a plot to a T.V. show I saw once.”  Jen said as she looked over the blueprints to the bank vault.

“I think I saw that!”  Pete spoke up just then, an audible squeak emanating from his head.

“Dude.”  Ronnie said, tossing Pete an oilcan.  “Don’t make the hamsters work so hard.”

“Right.”  Pete said, pulling his left earlobe away from his head.  After putting a few drops of oil onto the metal cylinder attached to the lobe, he pushed it back, at which point the squeaking stopped.  “Thanks, man.”

“Ok, so back to the plan.”  Bob said, as he began tapping the coordinates into the navigation system.  “We’ve got about an hour to get this down before we reach the planet.  Anyone see any holes in the plot?”

“Other than this was totally stolen from Farscape.”  Jen spoke up again.

“Hush, Molly hasn’t seen it yet.”  Ronnie said.

“Thanks for ruining it for me.”  Molly said, whipping a pencil at Jen.

“Well, at this rate, you’re not going to see it ‘cause this plan is totally gonna get us killed.”


August 24, 2008

Character: Werewolf

Setting: Factory

Action: Running for their life

Ok, so there I was, running for my life through this factory when I twisted my ankle and fell.  So horror movie cliché I know, but then, so is being a werewolf running from a mob of pitchfork and torch wielding villagers.

I had just been out for a walk–seriously, no hunting and killing innocent people, I swear.  Now, granted I wasn’t exactly being inconspicuous, but then I didn’t think anyone would think anything odd when I started chasing a random cat.  But, of course, the damn cat turned out to be this one witch’s familiar and you can imagine how the villagers got involved.

So, there I was, being chased, when I’d spied an old factory building–Frankenstein Biomedical Supply, I think–and figured I could hide out there for a while.


Just as I was going through the loading dock, some gimpy little dude starts screaming for his master and that’s how those bastard villagers found me.


 August 31, 2008

Character: Private Detective

Setting: Coffee Shop

Action: Performing Ritual Sacrifice

The knife was poised, ready to fulfill its purpose.  It gleamed in the soft ambient light of the coffee shop.  John’s eyes gleamed with hunger as he considered the weight of the blade in his hand.

“Would you do it already,” Marylyn goaded, her own eyes reflecting her impatience at John’s delay.  A chorus of agreement followed closely, as John looked around the room at the gathering.

“Wait,” A young girl objected, pushing her way toward the table that held everyone’s fascination.  “You have to blow out the candles first.”

John nodded and then smiled at the girl.  The girl smiled back, the hunger was plain in her eyes as well.  Leaning forward, John took a deep breath, closed his eyes and let his breath gust forth, extinguishing the candles before him.  The room erupted in cheers and applause.  Tightening his grip on the knife, he finally cut into the birthday cake.



September 7, 2008

Character: Head Mistress

Setting: Shopping Mall

Action: Fighting

“Give it to me.” The dominatrix demanded, raising her riding crop menacingly.  “I saw him first.”

“I will not, you insolent whelp.”  The Head Mistress replied, staring down at the Mistress-in-training.  “And, if you know what’s good for you, you’ll do as I’ve told you and get that harness I special ordered from the shop girl.”

The young woman looked as though she were about to argue when the boy with the leather zippered mask started whimpering.

“Now look.”  The older woman scolded, reaching down to pat the kneeling boy on the head.  “You’ve upset the slave.”

The young woman relented.  “I’m sorry, Mistress.  I’ve forgotten my place.”

“That’s better.”  The Head Mistress said triumphantly.  “Now go, before I decide to spank you in front of everyone at the food court.”

“Yes, Mistress.”  The young one said as she scurried away to do as she was told.

“Just think boy.”  The older one said as she lovingly stroked the slave’s head.  “One day, if she’s good, I may let her pour hot wax on your nipples.”


November 23, 2008

Character: One-legged chicken

Setting: Frozen Lake

Action: Chopping wood

The boy could see that Scraps, his pet chicken, was hurting.  Not surprising given that Scraps had had a mishap chopping wood.  The boy had known it was a bad idea to allow the young hen to attempt to cut the firewood, but she was just so persuasive when she wanted something badly enough.

So, the boy, against his better judgment, had ok’d Scraps to get the firewood for that evening’s fire.  But things had only gotten worse when the boy realized that it seemed to be taking Scraps far too long to simply go to the shed.  When the boy had gone to check on his beloved pet, he’d found Scraps, wielding an axe, chopping at a fallen tree at the lake.

At first, Scraps seemed to be managing just fine, but then a sudden arctic blast had come off the lake.  The wind caused Scraps’ scarf to fly into her face, blocking her vision mid-swing, and that’s how the boy ended up with a one-legged chicken.


February 8, 2009

Character: Headmistress

Setting: Grocery store

Action: Taking out the garbage

Geraldine (a.k.a. Mistress Evelyn) looked at her Hello Kitty wristwatch and saw that her shift was almost over.  Chucking the last of the cardboard boxes into the compacter, her mind turned to how much fun she’d had the previous night at the leather bar she frequented.

Images of dripping candle wax and handcuffs brought an absent smile to her face as she pressed the “on” button that began the crushing of produce boxes.  Closing her eyes she reveled in the sense memory of sweat, yelps of pain and the subsequent sighs of pleasure.  Turning the compacter off, she grabbed a push broom and began the process of tidying up the trash room of the errant cabbage leaves and random green beans that littered the concrete floor.

Once more she looked at the happy little pink timepiece.  Only a few minutes had passed, but it was still a few minutes closer to her release from the grocery store hell and toward her interview at the adult novelty gift shop.


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